BONER T-SHIRT
Show your support for boners everywhere.
"My fellow Americans..." "One small step for man, one giant leap for man kind..." Sure, those are meaningful statements in their own right, but do you want the dean of admissions to notice you? Want that prissy (yet super hot) blonde in your office to give you an eye roll? Nothing spreads a smile throughout a board room meeting of VIPs faster than the greatest five letters of all time. Dudes love to sport 'em and women are fond of 'em too. Crack a smile and pop a Boner with ZBtees, baby! (Just remember not to point it at your friends. That would be rude.)
UPDATE: Our Boner shirt is currently SOLD OUT. Yup, we are famous. Or at least our shirt is... kind of! That's what happens when you get your stuff on TV. On a February episode of G4's Attack of the Show, they showed the world just how much they love their boners. Take a look for yourselves...
UPDATE: Our Boner shirt is currently SOLD OUT. Yup, we are famous. Or at least our shirt is... kind of! That's what happens when you get your stuff on TV. On a February episode of G4's Attack of the Show, they showed the world just how much they love their boners. Take a look for yourselves...
GETTING AFTER IT T-SHIRT
Nothing wrong with tossing a few back.
*This is 75% of a true story*
There is a guy Brian and I both know who, let's say, isn't afraid to toss 'em back. And one night this guy got after it real hard, downing brews by the dozen. Somewhere between beer eighty and beer one million, the now-mashed up mongoloid hit rampage mode and began talking gibberish and acting a fool. Brian grabbed his camera and snapped a photo. (Rumor has it that there may even be video, but some people really, really hope not).
* Months later, during an episode of 24, this conversation unfolded *
"Man, that'd be a sick image to throw on one of our shirts," Brian says.
The other guy says, "What if people know it's me?!?"
"Stop being paranoid." Brian says. "Nobody will know it's you. It's not like we're going to put the name "Zack" on it anywhere.
"Good call," the other guy says with a sigh of relief.
There is a guy Brian and I both know who, let's say, isn't afraid to toss 'em back. And one night this guy got after it real hard, downing brews by the dozen. Somewhere between beer eighty and beer one million, the now-mashed up mongoloid hit rampage mode and began talking gibberish and acting a fool. Brian grabbed his camera and snapped a photo. (Rumor has it that there may even be video, but some people really, really hope not).
* Months later, during an episode of 24, this conversation unfolded *
"Man, that'd be a sick image to throw on one of our shirts," Brian says.
The other guy says, "What if people know it's me?!?"
"Stop being paranoid." Brian says. "Nobody will know it's you. It's not like we're going to put the name "Zack" on it anywhere.
"Good call," the other guy says with a sigh of relief.
HEEL T-SHIRT
Show your support for the anti-hero.
What do these people have in common:
Johnny Lawrence -- The Karate Kid (the one with Daniel LaRusso, not Will Smiths' kid!)
Darth Vader -- Star Wars: III, IV, V, VI
Smoke Monster -- Lost
Mr. McMahon -- Monday Night Raw
Lucas -- The Wizard
Deebo - Friday
Valley High School -- Saved by the Bell
Give up? They're all notable heels who roamed the planet (ours or a galaxy far, far away). Still confused about what a heel is? It's a badass dude, villain, antagonist, anti-hero. You know, the cool guys. Luke Skywalker was a pretty OK chap, but Darth Vader was a BAMF. Wear this shirt and anyone who's anyone (but not everyone) will know you're in with the out crowd. So say hello to the bad guy with a ZBtees Heel shirt, biach.
Johnny Lawrence -- The Karate Kid (the one with Daniel LaRusso, not Will Smiths' kid!)
Darth Vader -- Star Wars: III, IV, V, VI
Smoke Monster -- Lost
Mr. McMahon -- Monday Night Raw
Lucas -- The Wizard
Deebo - Friday
Valley High School -- Saved by the Bell
Give up? They're all notable heels who roamed the planet (ours or a galaxy far, far away). Still confused about what a heel is? It's a badass dude, villain, antagonist, anti-hero. You know, the cool guys. Luke Skywalker was a pretty OK chap, but Darth Vader was a BAMF. Wear this shirt and anyone who's anyone (but not everyone) will know you're in with the out crowd. So say hello to the bad guy with a ZBtees Heel shirt, biach.
WHY BUY A ZBtees T-SHIRT?
Does this look like the face of a liar?
OUR SOFT AND COMFY AMERICAN APPAREL SHIRTS WILL MOST CERTAINLY CAUSE THIS SCENARIO TO OCCUR+:
*You wearing an ultra-slimming ZBtees T-shirt*
Super duper hot female: Did you lose 1000 pounds last night?
You: Oh, you say that to all the incredibly good-looking guys wearing an ultra-awesome ZBtees t-shirt.
Super duper hot female: You know it, big boy. *Winks*
*This episode would cause most males to need to refer to the first shirt on the ZBtees homepage*
+We put our 100% phony guarantee on this.
*You wearing an ultra-slimming ZBtees T-shirt*
Super duper hot female: Did you lose 1000 pounds last night?
You: Oh, you say that to all the incredibly good-looking guys wearing an ultra-awesome ZBtees t-shirt.
Super duper hot female: You know it, big boy. *Winks*
*This episode would cause most males to need to refer to the first shirt on the ZBtees homepage*
+We put our 100% phony guarantee on this.
BOUNTY HUNTER T-SHIRT
Be like Boba Fett, but avoid the same fate!
Sick of random strangers coming up to you asking, "Hey bro, what does your shirt mean?" Well, for one, stop wearing that Borat shirt with the hole in the armpit (Yakshemash!). Skip the translation routine with this easy-to-read Japanese/English Bounty Hunter tee!
Even if you can't read Japanese -- who cares! It says it in language el Americano right below it. Seriously, with 5,000 characters in the language - who has time to sort out the cool ones? We do. These are our plans Friday and Saturday nights. Take your love for intergalactic swindlers (or bearded reality TV stars) to a level of Japanese cool. Also makes a great undershirt to your button. Translation: You can rock this baby at the J.O.Bizzle.
Even if you can't read Japanese -- who cares! It says it in language el Americano right below it. Seriously, with 5,000 characters in the language - who has time to sort out the cool ones? We do. These are our plans Friday and Saturday nights. Take your love for intergalactic swindlers (or bearded reality TV stars) to a level of Japanese cool. Also makes a great undershirt to your button. Translation: You can rock this baby at the J.O.Bizzle.
ZBtees LOGO T-SHIRT
Wear this and you will pick up girls/guys/super heroes
Nothing like showing our brand a little love by sporting the logo. Offensively large Tommy Hilfiger flags, enormous Nike swooshes and abstract Ed Hardy paint blotches so colorful it makes you want to barf. Then we have our logo. Simple yet cool enough to wear on a first date to show you have style, class and know how to shop a made-in-the-USA bargain.
Best of all -- it will help you sleep with more girls (or guys). We guarantee that... sort of.
Best of all -- it will help you sleep with more girls (or guys). We guarantee that... sort of.
ONE MORE REASON TO BUY ZBtees!
Sure, we carry BlasTech DL-44 heavy pistols -- which are illegal or restricted on most systems and, of course, always shoot first -- but if you traveled to Tatooine as often as we do, you'd be strapped too! However, underneath our dashing good looks and thirst for danger, we're all about quality.
We're two dudes, not some corporation of greedy swine. You're not just a number to us. You're a number with a name attached to it. And sometimes we'll even call you by it. And to make sure our number-names are living in comfort, we decided to forgo on the cheap materials to make sure when you slip into a ZBtees original it feels like the shirt is wearing you. We don't even know what that means, but the moral is that these shirts aren't just made in the USA -- they're made from materials that'll make your skin dance like Vanilla Ice at an Ace of Base concert.
We're two dudes, not some corporation of greedy swine. You're not just a number to us. You're a number with a name attached to it. And sometimes we'll even call you by it. And to make sure our number-names are living in comfort, we decided to forgo on the cheap materials to make sure when you slip into a ZBtees original it feels like the shirt is wearing you. We don't even know what that means, but the moral is that these shirts aren't just made in the USA -- they're made from materials that'll make your skin dance like Vanilla Ice at an Ace of Base concert.
